Everyone is familiar with situations from childhood: the boy next door’s toy seems prettier, your classmate has a new computer again, you were given a gray pullover for your birthday, your best friend is away on vacation for the whole summer, and you are stuck in town. Often, even as adults, we continue to lust after the successes and acquisitions of others. Is it possible to cope with envy or Stop Being Envy?
The Feeling Is the Same, but the Consequences Differ- Stop Being Envy
In simple words, envy is the need to have something valuable that a person does not have. You can also say – a behavior that is based on a jealous attitude towards the significant results and successes of others. The feeling can be situational, a brief moment, or it can poison your whole life.
Figure out whether such an experience is positive or negative, what message it carries. If it is rare and relative to a specific situation, it can be a good motivation for development. For example, you learned that an acquaintance was promoted and, accordingly, received a higher salary. You are seized by the desire to obtain the same resource, it pushes you to make further efforts: to do better in your former position or to change the field to a more profitable one. Such an attitude becomes fuel for moving toward self-actualization.
Long-term envy is another matter. It fills life with toxicity toward yourself and others and, most importantly, prevents you from growing above yourself. In the same example, upon learning of a promotion, instead of mobilizing for a goal, you begin to feel negative emotions and exhaust yourself. Over time, this turns into a habit and affects more and more new areas: the car is better than yours, the wife is more beautiful, the grass is greener in the neighbor’s yard. People who find themselves in the power of such a condition, closed, irritable, sometimes even aggressive, depressed, prone to hurt the object of envy.
The Main Causes- Stop Being Envy
Here are the key causes of being envy:
- Childhood experiences (characteristic upbringing in which a child was imposed destructive attitudes: “much money is bad and immoral”, “it is necessary to suffer in order to get what you want”, constantly limited in desires and ignored needs).
- Lack of achievement (because of the inability to satisfy a need for some objective reasons or because of a mismatch of means and goals. Causes negativity in relation to those who are fully realized).
- Deprivation (lack of ways to get the necessary benefits for any of the reasons: low social status, a bad job, no education).
- Individual characteristics (physical defects; psychological factors: conflicts that cause dissatisfaction even with good living conditions, unresolved complexes, repressed emotions).
How to Cope With Envy?
Stop Comparing
It’s the most significant point. Feelings of inferiority are fed by comparing yourself with others. However, this approach is extremely harmful: everyone has an individual history, economic and physical capabilities, and the conditions of upbringing. Only by setting yourself as an example and by looking up to your own progress does it make sense to strive for greater goals. Otherwise, even after finding a desirable job or hitting a huge jackpot at Casino Woo, you still will not stop wishing for new and better benefits that you do not possess.
Think About What’s Important
Often we are forced to “look over the fence” by the automatism behind which our true goals and motives lie. Are high positions with an enormous amount of stress so important if specifically your desires, talents and skills lead to another area? For example, into the arts or family. It makes sense to shift the focus of attention: from the extraneous, external – to the internal interests that bring satisfaction. Working with a psychologist will allow you to dive into your own experiences, and give you a resource to resolve contradictions.
Focus on Positive Moments
It’s always more helpful for self-improvement to focus on strengths and strengths rather than flaws or failures. By seeing the positives in your life and embracing features as differentiators (rather than disadvantages), you will acquire the tools to move forward. When attention is paid to individuality, there is no need to compare yourself to anyone else.
Develop
Acquiring new interests, pursuing hobbies, deepening our knowledge and physically improving ourselves not only develops us as human beings, but also gives us reason to be proud of the accomplishments we have achieved. Perhaps when you excel in these areas, you will become the envy of others.